Workplace Revenge
by Awatere11
Summary: Owen was bored and it's a bad thing when the imp is bored. Cue workplace pranks where Ianto is annoyingly good at responding with his own pranks. Owen is determined to win the game, despite Jack's concern. After all ... Rule number one is Don't mess with the Welsh.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Ianto" Owen called out, "We have an infestation on the lower levels again."

Ianto straightened up and frowned, wondering what he was talking about, then walking down to see for himself.

He got to the lower stacks and looked around, unable to see any problem.

Maybe he meant the berth.

The boats were gently swaying, bobbing as the water lapped against the internal pier, Ianto walking the length of it to look down at their little feathery friends swimming about, quaking happily, then turned and walked to the cell block.

Janet looked up from picking at a tile and leered, gaining a banana and a kiss through the glass that made her huff.

He stood staring into space as he tried to work out what he was talking about.

Then he moved for his Archive desk, his own personal sanctuary from the world when he needed quiet time.

Maybe he needed to check the CCTV.

Infestation alright.

Balloons.

At least sixty bright orange balloons were filling the private office space and Ianto stood glowering as he knew Owen had chortled when reading over his un-doctored medical report, which Tosh had finally pulled up from the T1 servers.

 _Prick knew he hated fucking balloons and their loud pop._

As a child they had reduced him to tears.

He canted his head and considered the revenge that might make up for the half hour of work ahead of him with those uncomfortable earmuffs to help lessen the blow.

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Revenge of the Office Boy

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"Ah, Owen" Ianto smiled as he straightened up from checking the tire pressure of the SUV, "You're late."

"Nah, I'm early by Greenland's clock T-Boy" he snarked as he slipped past.

"Oh by the way" Ianto called out as Owen hesitated at the entrance to the elevators, "That infestation was out of control. Be careful down there!"

Owen laughed as he stepped into the elevator, shaking his head.

He entered the hub to find a pale faced Gwen blinking as she went over a report Jack was waving at her, Tosh giggling uncontrollably.

 _What the fuck was their problem?_

He was watching them as he walked around to his workstation and went to flick his bag into there, then he froze.

Rats.

Hundreds of fucking rats.

He hates rats.

Owen squeaked and started back pedaling, then frowned.

Fucking T-boy!

Right!

Owen dropped the bag and straightened his back, laughing loudly like he didn't care as he strode up to the workstation and reached out to brush the squeaky toys off.

"Good one T-Boy" he called out to the man hovering at the entrance to the hub, "Almost got me."

Ianto's slowly forming smile should have warned him really ….

The soft, warm body was a surprise, as was the angry squeak as he picked up the nearest rat.

Owen squealed with fright.

He stood frozen with horror as the workstation erupted with rodents as they spewed from it like water, no longer frozen in place.

"FUCK!" Owen screamed, flinging the rat from his hand as he jumped and danced, screaming as they poured past down the steps to Ianto, who knelt and scooped them into a containment box.

"Thank you Owen" he smiled softly, "Only thing that gets them to move once they've swarmed is a good, high pitched noise"

"You bastard!" Owen roared, "You fucking, god damned bastard!"

Ianto raised an eyebrow and wandered past, then stopped and looked directly at Owen.

"Are you keeping the one in your cup?"

Owen looked at the desk and his beloved Star Wars cup, the rat peeking over the top was blinking it's horrible fucking red eye balls and he did the only thing he could as Ianto calmly opened the box again.

He screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

2

Owen was sniggering as he sat back in his chair, swinging back and forth as Ianto placed the coffee cup down.

"What?" Ianto asked.

"Nothing, just remembering something I read on the internet" Owen sniggered and Ianto frowned, getting that sinking feeling that round two was about to begin.

Very well.

It wasn't until the morning meeting that it happened, the visual presentation about to begin and Jack nodded silently to him to begin as he slid reports around the table.

Ianto confidently clicked on the file and smiled at his Captain, watching Jack's face change.

Ianto turned as the music began and David Hasselhoff's music video played.

Ianto growled and turned it off.

He knew without looking who the head crower was.

Jack watched Ianto's smile slowly form as he searched for his back-up copy of the file and groaned.

Gods, Owen needed to remember who the master was here.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Owen went to lunch and settled in with the team.

Ianto hadn't come, as usual he was wanking on about some filing or something so it was a happy event with Jack not checking if he was upsetting the wee ballerina.

They wandered back and Tosh asked Gwen to check a picture she had found on her screen, both women whispering about shoes or some shit.

God give me strength.

Owen then turned to his workstation and froze.

The Hoff.

Every surface was covered with pictures of David Hasselhoff.

Even the screen saver was the Hoff, the floor was the Hoff, the wall beside it was the Hoff, even the chair was the Hoff.

Owen stood there steaming and with a growl he stated tearing at them, clearing them with a vengeance.

That was where he found the double bluff.

He roared with anger as the pictures moved to reveal a second set which were now stuck to the desk like placemats.

Cats.

Kitty cats all over the place, hiding under the Hoff.

Owen tried to pick one off only to find it firmly stuck.

Ianto stood watching from Gwen' Workstation.

"You fucking bastard!" Owen roared, "Why the fuck cats?"

"Don't be so silly" Ianto scoffed as he turned and flounced towards the kitchen, then turning and looking down his nose at Owen like Basil Fawlty, "To scare off the rats."

Owen then saw the containment box sitting open under the desk and screamed, leaping up onto the desk on his knees, gripping the edge as he shrieked and yelled for Jack.

Jack had already decided to stay to of this one.

Owen had asked for it.

Rule number one … don't mess with the Welsh.

Ianto made the coffees and hummed, deciding the spare containment box could stay there just a little bit longer.


	3. Chapter 3

3

Owen felt his night shift had been productive and he was finishing a report as Ianto walked in followed by Jack.

"Owen?" Jack said firmly, "Did you behave yourself?"

"Yeah Dad" he muttered, "I borrowed the car but I put some gas in it."

"You are not too big for a grounding mister!" Jack grinned as he skipped up the steps.

Ianto had a bad feeling about this and he sighed as he headed straight for the workstation in the archives, groaning as he saw the fruits of Owen's labor.

Obviously he had thought long and hard this time and Ianto couldn't help but be a little bit impressed as he looked at the post-it notes covering every surface.

Owen had even colour coded them.

Well, well, well.

Thought he could get one over the office boy did he?

Ianto pulled out the chair and brushed some post-its off, sitting as he considered the next move, the slow sinking of the chair telling him Owen had also dismantled the gas canister for the chair.

Ianto frowned as he considered this extra element.

Man was getting creative alright.

Ianto smiled as he threw his head back and laughed.

Hoe could he not?

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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The bloody storm had been epic, lightening strikes shutting of power to some parts of Cardiff and the team had scrambled like mad.

Except for bloody Ianto who had bleated for the last few days about a cold.

Just a cold but you would have thought he was dying the way Jack had fussed on him.

Owen was tired, dog tired and he was still complaining about the weather as he got to his desk and froze.

Tin foil.

Every surface was tin foiled, from the monitor to each individual file.

Each pencil, even the fucking stapler.

Owen roared with anger, pointing at the mess and he slumped into the chair with defeat.

The seat started to deflate and it pressed the bottom on the air horn tapped to the chair.

Owen leapt up screaming, racing for the stairs as he roared for Jack, slamming the office door open.

Jack groaned, then walked to the office door yelling for Ianto.

"Yes Sir?" Ianto smiled politely.

"I'm going home" Owen roared angrily, "I'm not coming back until tomorrow and I'm not cleaning this shit up! Fucking tin foil in a lightening storm. Wanker is trying to kill me!"

He stormed off and Ianto smiled as he finally won.

"Ianto!" Jack sighed.

"He started it!" Ianto muttered.

"Nice piece of work."

"Thank you Sir" Ianto bowed politely before going to get a rubbish bag and start ripping it all off, "I do aim to please."

Tosh rushed for the bathroom, crossing her legs so she ran funny, laughing hysterically.

Best one yet.


	4. Chapter 4

4

Owen knew Ianto had won the office wars and it did sting.

Then came a day of snow, heavy and blisteringly cold.

In a rare moment of clarity Ianto remembered some coats in the archives from some unknown origin, even if Jack pretended to know the planet.

God but they were warm, comfortable and cozy as they slopped about.

Perfect.

Owen knew he had won this time!

He waited excitedly and was pleased to see Ianto entering late.

Oh so very late and Jack looked concerned, Ianto's polite smile unnerving as he shrugged off the coat and removed the gloves.

Rubber.

Huh.

Owen frowned as he wondered how they might have helped Ianto remove the huge snowman Owen had left outside Ianto's apartment.

Well …

OK, so it was shaped like a huge doggie.

Well ….

Maybe the Tea Boy's car was the main body, but it had looked cute.

Ianto's soft smile as his cup approached was even more unsettling and Owen's eyes narrowed as he looked at his rose cheeks.

Owen was uncomfortable all day.

Especially since it wasn't decaf.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Owen slammed out of the hub, eager to get home.

It had been a wanker of a day and he was glad to get away from that wiry grinning Tea Boy.

Well ….

He got as far as his car.

He walked around it, marveling at the effort.

So this is why he had rubber gloves on.

He stood and pondered how much time that had been put into the scheme and reached out to pluck a frozen cotton ball off a wing mirror.

Fucking brilliant.

Ianto had dipped each cotton ball in water, then placed it against the metal work to freeze in the below freezing air.

Hundreds, like fucking chicken pox, except the alignment of each one was precise.

His OCD had screamed even as he had done this.

Fucking brilliant.

Owen had to admit, this was beyond even his thinking.

Man, he had to step it up.

Clever little twat.


	5. Chapter 5

5

Owen knew he was playing with fire, Jack's warning to cut it out almost taken seriously.

Almost.

He didn't even know if it was going to work but it was worth a go to see his face.

Ianto had arrived at work with a look of thunder, the prank obviously not having gone well and Owen listened to Ianto's low droning voice as he obviously complained about it and Owen chortled softly at his win.

Surprisingly, nothing was said during the shift and as they all headed up to leave he found Ianto's car sitting unscathed.

He should have known.

He pulled out of the underground parking and into the rain, flicking the wipers on and could only howl as his own prank had been reissued.

The crayons under the wipers smeared a happy rainbow across the screen and he was forced to pull over, getting out in the pouring rain to wipe it all off and remove the offending crayons.

Son of a bitch.

Owen looked at them in the snowy slush, as cold chill running up his spine.

Would there be reprisals?

Or was this considered the turn about?

God, only time would tell.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Four days later, and Owen started to relax, Ianto was going to let it go.

Then he woke from a wee nap to find a troll sitting on the edge of the bed in the staffroom.

He blinked and stared at it.

It had bright pink hair and seemed to mock him.

"Ianto?" he called out nervously as he crept up to the main hub, the troll under his arm and he froze, looking at his workstation.

The trolls were of various sizes, waiting patiently for him as he gaped.

Ianto was there, like behind him and he squealed as he spun to regard the silent menace.

"Alright there?"

"What the fuck!" Owen spluttered.

"Ah. Looks like someone's trolling you there mate" Ianto sighed theatrically as he started to move away and Owen ran for the stairs, intending to tell Jack that he hadn't started this one.

It had been a double turn back for fuck sake!

He slammed the door back and the handle hit the air horn taped to the wall, Owen's roar drowned by the large honk.

Jack's head popped up for the bunker to glare at him.

"But it isn't my fault!" he wailed as Jack silently rose to chase him from the office.

Fucking Tea boy, wanker was laughing.

He could hear him down there the prick!


	6. Chapter 6

6

Owen had thought long and hard about the Hoff attack and now he knew he had it.

It had taken him hours to print off the pictures and wait for the little twat to piss off.

How long does it take to get the dry cleaning?

Owen worked quickly, even amazed at himself for how good it looked and then he wandered back to this own workstation, settling mere minutes before Ianto walked in with the clothing bags and narrowed eyes.

How the fuck could he know?

Owen went back over it and was sure there were no hidden alarms or shit. The Twat Boy was just not trusting him.

Typical.

No fucking trust anymore.

Oh. Wait. Yeah.

Owen grinned to himself as he watched Ianto head for his little space.

Ianto stood taking it in with amusement, his own Hoff thrown back at him Beiber style.

The images of Justin Beiber covered every surface and the back of the chair had "I love Justin Beiber" proudly placed.

Ianto snorted as he canted his head.

Quite well done little man.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Ianto had been so calm, not even referencing his efforts and Owen was getting more than slightly insulted really.

A lot of time and effort had gone into that.

Three weeks and nothing.

Fucking no comment at all.

He was stomping around the golf course as Gwen eagerly stormed about waving her PDA.

"Whatever it is, it's long gone" she said as she shrugged and turned for the SUV.

"Agreed" Jacks voice came through the coms, "Come on back."

"Fucking hate grass" Owen muttered.

They got back and he stomped into the hub, "Hey T Boy, I got mud on me kicks!"

"Well done Owen" Ianto said condescendingly, "Glad to know you had a good little play. A bit of air must give you an appetite. I'll bring a sandwich cut into little squares shall I?"

"Fuck you" Owen muttered as he stomped over and froze.

His workspace was covered in grass.

Like … a mini golf green or something and he thought it was artificial until he touched it.

Real grass.

Fucker must have taken ages to grow it just to ….

Really?

Owen felt a small spike of delight as he realized Ianto had taken the last three weeks or maybe even more to cultivate this little scheme and he gingerly pulled the chair back and sat.

Gotta get a picture of this for sure.

Owen was touched.


	7. Chapter 7

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Another good dump of snow and Owen could barely contain himself.

It took most of the night but it was awesome, he snapped off a couple of shots and scuttled off giggling to himself.

Ianto came out of his building and stood looking at the car park with mild amusement, Jack slamming into him as he was still buttoning up his coat.

"Wow" Jack huffed, "Old Mrs Stevens is gonna be pissed when she sees what someone did to her car"

Jack snorted and started walking down the row to the SUV.

"Bloody Owen" Ianto growled to himself and Jack raised his eyebrows with surprise.

He hadn't thought about him, he had thought it a school kid prank.

They drove sedately to work and parked next to Ianto's car that had been left behind the night before an as Ianto slid out it suddenly occurred to Jack that the back of his car did resemble Mrs Steven's.

Huh.

Damn.

At least he got a photo.

The massive snow dick was impressive, arching up and over the back of the car, even huge snow balls.

Ianto opened his phone and looked at the masterpiece and started to giggle.

They went in and started the meeting, Ianto knew Jack had already forgotten about it and he made sure not to mention it either.

Owen, of course hung himself by asking if the drive in was OK.

"Nice and quiet" Jack answered, "Should have seen the old lady's car from Ianto's complex though. Bloody kids, if I catch who did that to her car I'll stick my boot up their arses. Actually Tosh, it might pay to stick up some CCTV. Would have been horrible if it had been Ianto's car. Good thing I had the SUV."

Ianto's head slowly swiveled, exorcist style and blinked at Owen, then swiveled away.

Fuck.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Owen was on pins and needles, wondering how long Ianto would make him stew.

Then he got a call from Jack, "Owen? Can you come in? We have a Weevil here that looks pregnant."

"Yes" Owen crowed, racing out the door and slidding down the steps, slowing once he got outside and he stood gaping with shock.

Wow.

This left his snow dick for dead.

A sculpture of a couple having sex on his car mocked him, it looked brilliant.

He got out his phone and took several shots, giggling as he wondered how long it had taken.

He got to work full of glee, showing Tosh who made noises of horror.

Owen then saw Ianto approaching and straightened up.

"There you are, the Weevil attacked a man and his SUV is still at the scene, I'll drop you there to drive it back, yeah?" Ianto offered and Owen grinned.

"That was epic" Owen told him as they drove and Ianto frowned, "What?"

"The sculpture. It was brilliant" Owen frowned back.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Ianto shrugged.

Owen got out and watched him drive off, then approached the SUV, brushing off the snow that was covering it.

Hang on a minute.

He opened a door.

Fuck.

The SUV's sun roof was open and it looked like polystyrene filled it. The snow was packed so tightly he knew it would taken him over half an hour to empty enough to drive it.

It was only once he was on his way back to Cardiff in the mobile refrigerator that he realized this was Ianto.

Not the sculpture.

He slammed on the brakes and his mouth fell open as he realized what had happened, laughing as he slapped the steering wheel.

Fucking Harkness.

Right.

Game on!


	8. Chapter 8

8

Ianto sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck.

This was getting out of hand.

The files that filled his desk did so with a silent malice that had him fuming.

Especially as they were obviously randomly chosen from different areas of the archives judging from some of the color coded stickers he could see on the edges.

Stacked as high as his head, all the way across the curved workstation, this was going to take Ianto hours.

"sir" he touched his coms, "Sorry. I'm going to be busy for the rest of the day. I'm afraid Owen has outdone himself. I may have to institute a Decaf retaliation for this one."

The sound of Jack's groan was decadent.

"But … I can take a break later?" Ianto offered gently, smiling as a soft growl came back. Then he frowned as he heard a ripping noise.

"Sir?"

Owen left me a wee present while I was in the bloody meeting" Jack snarled, "Wanker."

Jack knew Ianto would have a cow if he saw the amount of wrapping paper Owen had used to cover Black Beauty, even the tires.

He started to wad it up and look for a recycling station.

Ah.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Owen was completely flabbergasted.

His workstation was in there somewhere. He was sure of it.

You just couldn't see it for the clear wrap around the four poles and a ton of paper waste inside.

It looked like every file Ianto had found on the desk had been screwed up and used.

What the fuck!

Owen fished out a piece and straightened it out to read.

 **DON'T LOOK UP**

Owen blinked.

He looked up.

He screamed, shrinking towards the floor as the picture of the girl from 'The Ring' seemed to be coming from the ceiling.

"Owen?" Ianto asked with confusion, "What are you doing?"

Ianto looked up.

He gave a soft squeak then burst out laughing.

"You bastard! That tops the decaf you've had all day!" Ianto laughed.

"What?" Owen stood and glared at Ianto. "You didn't do this?"

Ianto's frown was genuine and Owen groaned

Fucking Harkness.

"Oi! What do you mean decaf?"


	9. Chapter 9

9

Ianto took another sip from his cup and Owen's giggle sounded again.

Ianto frowned and gave him his 'Decaf' glare, making him look away.

Now Gwen was leaning back in her seat and as he took a swig, downing the last of his coffee she started to snort.

OK.

He rose and gathered the cups to wash, heading for the kitchen.

Then he saw it.

On the bottom of the cup 'TWAT' was clearly printed.

Little weasel faced fucker had swapped cups.

OK.

Ianto cleared his throat and decided he was thought being nice about this.

He found Gwen talking to the photocopier and she snarled as she swung to face Ianto.

"Did you do this?" she demanded and he read the note on the front.

ATTENTION

THIS HAS BEEN SERVICED BY OUR

TECHNITION AND IS NOW

VOICE ACTIVATED. TO USE YOU

REPET YOUR INSTUCTION THREE

TIMES.

THANK U

"I see. How long have you been talking to it?" he asked calmly.

About four minutes" she snorted, "Wondered if my accent was confusing it so I've been trying other accents for a go."

"Hmmm." Ianto pointed at the sign, "Who would type repet instead of repeat?"

"Repet" She repeated and Ianto held back a giggle.

"Wanker" she hissed.

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Tea Boy's Revenge

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Owen was furious.

Some twat had wrapped his workstation.

Like, fully gift wrapped.

He couldn't believe it.

Even a little red bow where his arse sat.

Fucking Harkness knew damned well who had done his SUV, clearly.

Wanker.

Owen decided to go for a toilet break, to calm down.

He stomped into the first cubicle, which everyone knew he preferred and even had a little plaque on the door declaring it 'The Doctor's Office' and he fumbled with his pants, getting his mega python free.

Then he looked down where he was peeing.

A face.

Owen screamed as the picture of a man's face leered up from the bowl and then he collapsed laughing.

Fucking Tea-Boy.

That was a good one!


	10. Chapter 10

10

Ianto stood looking at his tin foil city and sighed.

His workstation was so tin foiled that his teeth ached.

This was getting out of hand.

Individual files, it was like the wrapping paper, only better.

He touched his coms and all he could hear from Jack was a mouthful of abuse, tin foil being the only thing he recognized.

"So. Owen tin foiled Black Beauty then sir?" Ianto tasked.

"Get here and get it off!"Jack roared.

"On my way sir, er … shall I just look for the blinding splash of sunlight to find you?"

Jack's roar was kinda funny.

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Owen stood staring at the balls covering the floor.

This didn't look like the Tea Boy's kinda thing and he kicked at them morosely, then froze and turned to look at Gwen.

"what" she smiled sweetly, "Get in your ball pit and behave!"

Harkness had minions!

Tosh and Gwen started to laugh and he narrowed his eyes as he decided Gwen was not as funny as she thought she was and when he pulled out the drawer to get his pen and found it full of sprinkles he calmly rose and flounced down to the med-bay.

Er.

The … greenhouse?

Every surface was covered in plants, like a fucking tropical jungle and Owen growled as he sat in the seat, a giggle starting as a sunflower stared back at face level.

Now this was the Tea Boy.

It was epic.


	11. Chapter 11

11

Jack hit a high note, having the weekend to himself.

Just him.

In a hub.

So much to do so little time.

He was sniggering as he waited for them to come in and Owen's roar at finding his workstation changed to "Barbie World" seemed to hit the spot.

The desk was painted hot pink. Barbie stickers and bling adorned surfaces and framed the screen.

The Pink organza curtains hanging down were so perfectly placed and Owen swung to glare up at the happy Captain who was more interested in Tosh.

Tosh was staring open mouthed at her workstation.

Jack was glad the guy at the Asian place had a sense of humor and had given him the containers.

The entire space had been stacked full of takeaway boxes and it looked like a box made of boxes.

She was so angry that she walked to the kitchen to breathe.

Gwen was laughing at hem all as she opened her cupboard in her desk to put her handbag away, finding it catching on something so she yanked hard.

The febreze stuck to the inside of the door had a zip tie around it so when she pulled the cupboard open the tie tightened and she was sprayed with 'Ocean Breeze' as she screamed with horror.

Ianto was frozen with horror as he watched her flapping her arms and he rushed over to kick the door shut.

"Very fucking funny" she snarled at him and he blinked with surprise, then looked up at Jack with a soft frown.

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Later that day Owen went to find Ianto, still fuming about the morning's fun.

"He's getting too big for his bloody boots!" Owen said as he entered and Ianto hummed softly.

His back was to Owen, working at the bench and Owen looked down at drying toffee apples, his mouth watering.

"Toffee apples!" Owen said with glee.

"Yeah, what do you think?" Ianto said as he turned to see Owen biting into one and he made a small noise as the juice dribbled don his chin.

Owen spat it out and started choking.

Ianto offered some flavored milk.

"Those are Janet's toffee onions" Ianto smiled sweetly, "I didn't know you liked them too."

"Fucker" Owen said as he poured some more milk.

Ianto smiled.

He dipped another onion, then canted his head.

"Wanna run them past Jack?"

Owen forgave him.


	12. Chapter 12

12

Ianto watched Jack for the rest of the day, trying to work out what to do.

As with many things, Jack had taken to it with immense excitement and immediately went too far.

Ianto wasn't even sure how to explain it to him.

He then looked at his steaming workmates and silently schemed.

When he thought he had it worked out he went and asked Owen to help him move Janet to clean her cell.

"Owen?" Ianto asked once they were in there, "How close to her can you get?"

"As close as I want. She likes me lately" he shrugged as he gently pushed her out of the way.

"So ….. if you were to lay on the floor for a while she would let you?"

"Sure, as long as you don't make a lot of noise," Owen looked at Ianto and frowned, "What are you thinking?"

"Well, to make it work we would need the girls on board. I could convince Gwen no problem but Tosh … you know she would hate to upset Jack. Unless you ask?" Ianto said with glee.

"Ianto?"

"It's evil" Ianto smiled and Owen found himself smiling back.

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"Jack ….god…..everywhere …..so much…..shit ….OWEN….ARGH NO"

Ianto had sounded horrible and Jack leapt to his feet, reaching the handrails as the two girls started to scream hysterically.

Tosh turned to Gwen and buried her face in her neck, the sounds galvanizing Jack to leap over the railing and run for the workstation.

OWEN

Ianto was at the glass, banging and screaming for Owen, damn.

The sound was mute for some reason but Jack could see Ianto's anguish as Janet loomed over the prone body of their medic.

He ran.

Slamming off walls and finding Ianto in a heap on the floor, sobbing softly.

"You're too late" he gasped, "Too late this time."

Jack punched the code to unlock the door but nothing happened.

He tried again.

"Reverse the numbers, the month has changed" Tosh said calmly behind him and he grunted.

He reversed the numbers.

He slammed into the cell and Janet turned to look at him, snarling.

"Might not be a good idea to get too close" Ianto said as he rose and stepped in beside Tosh, Gwen behind him with her hands on his shoulders, her head buried in his back as she made strangled noises.

Jack looked down at Owen, his face pale and the blood was thick … tomatoey …and ….

Jack swung to look at them as he remembered where he had heard that strangled noise before.

The Welsh cow was laughing.

Owen rose and stood behind him so when he turned back they were face to face.

"Boo Mother Fucker" Owen leered.

Janet sighed and went to her corner, back to her tile she liked to pick at.

"You … you … you …" Jack couldn't speak as he looked at his team, laughing as they closed ranks.

"Well done" he said as he preened, "Glad it worked."

"It worked?" Owen asked with a frown.

"Yeah, my idea to get you all working as a team. Look at you all, brilliant!"

He shot out of the cell before they could lock him in and whistled as he shot back to his office, sitting in his chair before he started to shake.

Bastards.

They had got him good that time.


	13. Chapter 13

So the team has been listening to Gwen's Christmas CD all afternoon and it was starting to grate. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer seemed a favorite, followed by Let it Snow and it was a race to see who went insane first.

Ianto, the snot-nosed Tea-boy  
had a little button nose.  
And when he's come in from outside,  
you would even say it glows.

All of the other teammates  
used to beg for coffee and tea.  
They always let the tea-boy  
get warm with the Boss, then forget about me. 

Then one foggy Christmas Eve  
I had an epiphany:  
Ianto with his nose so bright,  
He had it up the boss' butt at night 

Then how the Captain loved him  
as he shouted out with glee,  
Ianto the snot-nosed tea-boy,  
you'll get up here and go down on me

Ianto paused as he listened to the song Owen was singing down in the med-bay and his hands tightened on the tray he was carrying.

Tosh watched as Ianto hurried away and sighed.

He looked way too excited for this to end well for Owen.

,

,

,

,

,

Oh the little prick's joke was frightful,  
But the revenge is so delightful,  
And since he'll have no place to go,  
Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

It won't show signs of stopping,  
And I've bought some corn for popping,  
The lights are turned way down low,  
Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

When the pterodactyl is on the floor,  
How he'll scream, rage and roar!  
But if he's lucky I'll call her back in time,  
Don't worry, I know he'll be fine. 

The pterodactyl is slowly creeping,  
And, Owen, will soon be weeping,  
But until he's sorry and tells me so,  
I'll let her Go! Let her Go! Let her Go!


	14. Chapter 14

Owen was humming as he walked into the hub and called out to Ianto that it was snowing again, Ianto's huff of annoyance epic.

 _Ah, the little things._

When Ianto went to get the lunch order he found the doorway to the tourist office surrounded. The snowmen were tiny, slightly larger than cats but there must have been over fifty of them. It must have taken Owen ages to make the little guys, the coffee beans for eyes and chitto chips for mouths were the last straw and Ianto growled as he kicked several heads off with frustration.

 _No wonder he couldn't find his favourite bend._

 _Right._

Ianto entered the hub that evening and smiled serenely as he mentioned that it's getting dark out there and Owen mumbled as he pulled his scarf on and stomped up to leave.

"Bye Owen" Ianto called gently, "Watch yourself out there. Christmas ya know, the rift is crazy!"

Owen waved over his shoulder as he stomped out and into the Plass, freezing as he came face to face with an eerie sight.

There were these ….creatures standing there like silhouettes with glowing eyes just ….looking at him.

Some had red eyes, some white and some blue. It was quite unnerving. Like cat's eyes gleaming in the dusk light.

"Fuck" he spluttered, reaching for his sidearm and then realising it was in his drawer. He reached for his coms and called down to the hub. "Tosh? I need backup. We have a situation here."

Nothing.

Owen's heart was pounding as he plastered himself against the door of the office and tried not to let them see his fear, the door opening and a hockey stick coming out a wonderful thing to see.

"Quick, distract them!" Ianto yelled, "I'll get the others."

The door slammed shut and Owen started to battle, his roar of power as he swung was mighty, as was the flying snow as Ianto's snowmen exploded.

"What the fuck?" Owen said as he squatted and looked at one, finding battery powered tea light candles placed in the small holes on the mounds of snow. The coms crackled as everyone screamed with mirth, watching on the CCTV.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

.

.

.

.

.

Jack was humming as he stepped out of the tourist office and he sighed as he looked at the sight before him.

This team really needed to sort this bullshit out and he opened the coms as he approached the best snowman yet.

"Owen, how many times do I have to tell you not to use the blood supply for pranks?" he demanded, "Or was this Ianto's handiwork?"

"Huh?"

"The snowman out here, being attacked by miniature snowmen. I might have believed it except for the blood, too lifelike. Snowmen don't bleed" Jack laughed and he canted his head as he heard some sort of commotion in the coms. "Ianto? Tiger?"

The door slammed open and Ianto strode pat him firing calmly at the smaller snowmen and Owen slammed into Jack, then pushed him aside as he yelled at Ianto to be careful as he was going to hit the Heliflopod if he wasn't careful.

Jack stood stock still as he tried to remember where he had heard that title before, then yelled while he ran to save the poor creature as it was swarmed by more Gerdapods, the sworn enemies of this creature.

It was several hours and eight dead little bastards later that Ianto finally pushed the blaster doors shut to the walk-in freezer, allowing the poor creature some rest on the ice shelf.

Owen was still glaring at Jack as he asked him yet again why he was too stupid to recognise a race he himself had first documented in the archives.

"He's asleep, or whatever they do" Ianto sighed, "Hibernate do ya think?"

"Come let me see your frostbite" Owen said as he grabbed a damaged hand and Ianto yelped.

"How was I supposed to know!" Jack wailed, "I thought it was part of your bloody game."

"As if I would use a poor defenceless creature like that just to get the tea boy back!" Owen snorted. "I have other things in mind."

Ianto hesitated as he slowly turned and narrowed his eyes.

 _So._

 _It continues._


End file.
